Ok, tonight I was on a quest to find a new ATF since I can't locate my former one anymore. I eat lunch at this burger joint in downtown Santa Ana every other week or so and always drive past this one MP wondering what treasures might be inside. Definitely not a legit looking massage place. I got the number of the address while driving by and popped it into the Advanced Search here when I got back home. There were no reviews on the place. I had a great feeling about this for some reason and went TOFTT style tonight. Worst experience of my monger career! I went at 5:30pm and it was already dark. A sign on the front of the building says "Park in the Alley". Ok, red flag #1? Nah, I still go for it. I drive around the block, drive through the alley and there is a parking lot for this place, so was kind of relieved I didn't have to park in the alley. Anyways, I get out of my car, go through the back door (a security camera hovers over it that blinks red) and walk through the hall to the front desk. Nobody is at the desk, but I ring the bell. All of a sudden, this chunky, shapely Hispanic girl comes and asks how long? I said hhr and she says 50. I was like WTF in my mind and look to my right. A sign is posted that clearly shows 40 for hhr, 60 for hr. I pointed to the 40 and she says "It's prime time hours, but I guess I can let you in, Give me 40." red flag #2? Instinct said walk away, but little head kept me there. She points to a door and pushes the buzzer to let me in, leads me to Room 2 and says "A few minutes, get ready." The massage table looked freakin' homemade, cut out a hole for the face with a saw or something with no towel or padding. It's literally just wood. I just put my head on my forearms and waited. From the silence of the room, the speakers turn on all of a sudden. Regular Asian MP soundtrack. Ok, I thought I was getting an Asian, so I start hoping for the best. After a few minutes, I hear a knock and in comes......... the same freakin grossly tattooed vato chick who took my entrance fee! FML. Some ladies look bangin' in leggings, but this chunky woman wearing leggings should be illegal. Not a pretty sight. She asks me the usual questions, I give the usual answers. I asked her name and she said "Little". Haha, I assume it's her gang name. Since she did the routine LE check, I figured I was gonna get some play at least, just had to figure a way for me to wake up Jr. on my own. She pours a ton of oil and just starts rubbing my back up and down with her forearm. She circles the table doing this same motion around my body for about 15 minutes. Then she kinda stops and looks up. I hear something like a dog wimpering. She says "hold on", opened the door and left the room. When she opened the door, I heard it. It wasn't a dog.... it was a baby crying! Really?!?!?!? She comes back after 5 minutes and says sorry, she didn't have a babysitter for the night. She keeps the door open and goes back to the massage. I didn't want to be a dick because I know she kept it open to listen for the baby again, but I just felt too uncomfortable. I asked her if she could close the door, and she said "Oh, ok, sorry" and shuts it. The timer goes off after another 5 minutes of this lame oil rub (she set a timer in the beginning, like a timer you use to cook food). She says, "All done, please give me a good tip." I was still on my stomach at this time. OK, this was just horrible, but I hate non-HE massages when I'm worked up all day to get one. I felt like a sleeze for asking, but I turned over and pointed at my junk, asking if she would massage my front side. "Oh, we aren't allowed to do that here." I didn't argue or try anymore. She left the room, I left 20 on the table, dressed and opened the door looking for her. She came around the corner, came in the room and said "That's it?" I said "Really?" and walked through the 2nd door, down the hall of shame and back into my car. Avoid this place at all costs! Luckily it was still early enough to hit another MP. Drove across town to a regular in the rotation (Classy Spa) and got my rocks off with the owner, Nicole. Review on her coming soon...